THREE CHOICES

For about a month now, I’ve been sleeping with a guy who’s eleven years younger. He’s really nice actually…texts and calls regularly just to talk about random things and flirt. But more recently, he’s beginning to check up on me to find out if I’m seeing other guys. Uncool right? Especially when I already talked with him about what we have to expect of our set-up since day one.

But you know, for a guy his age… he’s supposed to be ‘the good catch’. He looks good, reminds you of Tony Leung’s earlier films. And shape? Whew… an artist’s muse. He’s funny and goofy (which works on me). He’s a charmer. He would even go as far as court you (uh huh!) by doing cheesy and sometimes outrageous things just to express his fondness of you. Oh, did I mention tats? Well, not many of us are into it but for those who are, he’s one fine canvass that make you stare until you come. lol

And best of all, he feels he’s ready to fall in love. But again… for guy like me… he’s still twenty four. And I freaking wonder why the twenty something dummies’ gaydar aren’t intercepting the signal of this wonderful being.

Of course, I’ve always been reminding him that we’ll have to enjoy ‘only’ the things we’re sharing now… and nothing more. Yes, I always tell him that we can’t go farther. For now, he’s okay with it. Question is until when?

I still have got many things to explain to him… make him understand the more complicated stuff he still has to learn in dating and relationships. I’m not the only one who’s having an advantage here, mind you. I’m also doing him a favor, equipping him with the right perspectives so he’d be able to prevent unnecessary hurt and waste of time later on… after he tires of spending time and having sex with me. But these have got to be given gradually… in bits and pieces. I don’t want to drive him away. I love his company. I want to stay friends with him.


So this leads me to the story I want to share. You see guys, I’ve already been in a few situations like this earlier after my breakup with ‘the Ex’. There were a few younger guys who were also wonderful. And much as I wanted to remain good friends with them, they just couldn’t accept such radical set-up. A lot of them got turned off and cut off communication with me after I told them we that needed to be realistic and accept the fact that it’s just going to futile to try building a relationship… not because of the age gap… but because of the things and situations that go with that much hyped-up gap. Of course there’s the fact that I was just out of a very difficult separation.

Okay… so, just weeks before I met and started seeing this 24 year old doll, I was just wrapping up my jogging in QC Circle one night and buying buko juice when I was greeted by another guy I was seeing last year. He’s just about to start jogging and was thrilled to see me after months of no communication.

I learned that he already has a boyfriend and in fact, the ‘bf’ was catching up to join him. Theguy was excited, wanted me to meet his lover and I said, ‘I don’t think I got enough time to stay.’

I know right? Of course it’s an awkward situation. Why the hell did he even think it’s a good idea to introduce us, yeah?

But guys you know, this guys a nice chap too. Yes, still naïve but honestly warm and friendly. I knew he didn’t mean anything else with that idea and more probably just happy to have seen me. But he suddenly looked hurt… you know the kind of look that says you never cease to hurt me.

So I decided to sit down with him and we talked but told him I might not be able to stay longer… and in my mind, hoping that the bf won’t arrive before I leave. After a few catching up chitchats, I told him that it’s not a fantastic idea to introduce me to his bf of only two weeks.

He got confused so he verbalized the thing he was alreadyexpressing with his puppy face. So, I asked him what he wanted to happen and he answered, saying that he just wanted to remain friends… wanted to know what I would think of his bf… because he also wanted us to become friends.

What I told him next freaked him out. First, I told him that he’s just starting out a relationship with his lover and in as early as two weeks, it’s still fragile especially for 20 something people like them who are most likely just having their first serious relationship… and/or living together arrangement… thus very territorial and emotional.

And here’s the rub. I told him that if he wants his bf to become friends with me, it might take me to sleep with him too, at least just once. I explained that it’s the most rational way I could think of to clear the awkward air between us.

Of course he told me that I’m out of my mind. So I replied to him saying that we got only three choices. One is to do that, the other is to pretend that his boyfriend will be so cool enough to never… not even once… develop suspicion of anything going on between us, and third… we could easily just choose to go our separate ways.

I told him that of course, I never even tried doing the first one yet. But I’m sure that whatever radically new kind of friendship will come out of it… no untoward feelings will occur anymore because again… I’m not inclined to find a serious relationship with a much younger guy.

Again, he thought that I always drive him away. He asked if it’s okay to at least hug me before he leaves (out of hurt… or disgust). I let him and hugged him back.Toldhim as I hugged him tight that I care for him more than he thought I did. But it’ll take some time before he finally gets my point of view.


So now… back to this new guy… I want to condition him slowly… now that he’s becoming more and more insistent on defining what’s going on between us.

I just hope that it won’t end up bitterly too. He really has so many things to experience yet, and I don’t want to be the one who’d snatch those away from him. If only I’m still 24, I’d let my guard down and won’t even miss the chance to experience his love.

But in my own reality, it’s almost impossible to even think that I can spend the next ten years in bliss with him. I just can’t put a blind eye on this reality. It hurts me to be hurting someone’s heart, especially this beautiful soul… but someone’s got to be awake all the time.

The next time I’m having a date, I’m going to tell him straight.