Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous… it’s been a while now since I met you and I still can’t decide if you’re a good idea… or if my initial knowledge of you was even accurate. Also… I still can’t bring myself to look you straight in the eyes for more than a few moments.

It’s as if… should I let my gaze linger for a little more… your eyes that swim in seas of wisdom will find out what reality is withheld in mine.

I can’t even pretend to look at the rest of you because you would easily catch me too for what I do not intend to steal.

We may not be able to finish what we’re both gotten into and I feel sad and just okay… because I now decide to rest and wait if there’d ever be any hint from your end. If none… at least I never expected.



Dear Anonymous… I’ve known you longer than my Ex and we’ve lost connection and got touch again throughout the years. And I just found out that you’ve already erased the last trace of you for me.

I knew it. What I enjoyed with you in the past several months was just a fleeting fancy. And I’m glad in a way that I restrained myself in the middle of our risky and casual liaisons.

How long has it been now? It never even crossed my mind that you would go away that soon… without saying why. Does it have anything to do with the last thing I said… that I realized that I needed to stop before I stupidly fall for you while you were still enjoying the web of jokes we have gotten fond of weaving?

I’m still sad though even for that… which no longer exists. Only you now… can decide to reconnect… if it is exactly because of that… that you took off.



Dear Anonymous… you’ve been flattering me since I met you. And though it’s never really enough and relevant for me… I thank you nevertheless.

That ‘megawatt’ smile really melts me… looking at it burns my eyes. Of course you know that very well. It’s your very own magic… and works all the time!

And yet I had basked and burned in flames many times before… these days, I can no longer afford to take risks.

There’s nothing left of me to gamble and your sweet smile is an obviously losing game for me. It’s already been won long ago.

I am content now to just steal glances of it and wish that I could win one for my own one day.



Dear Anonymous… our paths have always crossed in the wrong times.

The first time I met you…, you felt like a magnet to me… but someone’s already attached to you. The second time… I just let go of mine. We tried to test the waters but we both had personal concerns… and had to pull away… way ahead the fading out of the sparks.

Recently… seeing you again feels like I know you like a long time lover. Your touch felt so familiar yet odd. I couldn’t find the right way to feel it. It’s like I’m drawn to it and repel at the same time.

I sense the withhold… it’s still there... from your end. Well, who changes much in just a little less than a year? I might not have too. So, just like the last time… I will restrain too.

And again, it’s up to time if something real arrives with it in the future.



Dear Anonymous… you changed my life forever. You remain the greatest love I ever had, you know.

Crumbs of the life you offered us from another time are still scattered inside me. This I learned after being told to end the thing I’ve been doing since the day I first attempted to rise back from death.

I also did that something I’ve been forbidding myself of ever since… and learned how you’ve been after our life together ended.

I thought it’s most fitting that I end that routine with something about you… I created it because of you.

I couldn’t help myself weeks ago and declared that I never stopped loving you… but it’s just that I’ve finally learned how to live without you.

I miss our baby too… very badly. I often dream of her now. Every time I wake up… I recall only embracing her… and you taking her away.

It’s raining again everyday… just like last year when I drowned my own storms in them. I realized that it never really stopped. It’s always been raining inside me since the day you took that life… the life of us… and offered another to someone else… way too early before I took my last breath of ours.

I learned that it’s died now too. I felt like holding you in my arms so you need not weep in the rain like I did.

But I know… I can’t.

It’s not right… for me… for you. You have to feel that death too… and finally understand the extent of how it altered me.

Perhaps, after your rebirth… I may then be able to speak to you again… as equals again.