Reading this makes me feel uncomfortable. But I almost forgot about that time when I was like the relationship guru of my friends.
Wrote this six years ago but in fairness to the younger me... I made sense.
10/10/06 04:55 PM
moral lesson:
when someone you date say's 'i love you', don't buy it. grow up. romanticism is poison.
learn how to be critical. you'll see... you'll enjoy being inlove much more when you see that all the coast is clear for the two of you.
when someone ur already intimate with say's he's got a soulmate... start looking and listenning to your warning signs. the guy is obviously not only superstitious and in denial, he's also obviously not over d 'Ex'!
what you ought to do is to know how much he's into you. if he's serious in pursuing you... don't get laid and give him his prize right away. he's just succeeded securing his emotional security with a willing romantic. remember that it can be you or anyone else in that place.
bottomline? he's in need of the feeling of being needed, cared for and... (gosh! do i need to say this? taboo!) LOVED.
you're not the end you're the means.
if you're smart enough and not suicidal, you'll delay no matter what it takes. even if it takes to lose the guy. it will only mean that he's just selfish.
always make sure that he's always in love with you. you don't declare you're in love just once. u both need to update. and see where you're already at after a week, after a month and so on.
(continuation)
'after a while and you see that you really hit jackpot with lover material...'
when he asks you to come live with him, DONT!
yes, you both know how convenience is becoming a problem... seeing each other and getting together, spending the night, and so on...
but this is a serious thing. ive seen a number of suicidal cases after break-ups that includes, err... me too).
REALLY! i beg of you brothers, don't hurt yourselves. learn how to play d compromise game fairly (with emphasis on ur part).
always remeber how u were and what were your plans and how you were going with it before you met him. STICK to the original plan!
so when to compromise?
the time you compromise is when he offers compromise for his part as well. example: going back to the 'living together prospect', if you are really already confident for a LIVE IN situation...
i know, a lot of us are faulty in knowing this part -the-when-you're-ready thingie- because, yes, it's still relatively rare experiencing the living together for a lot of people in the community. but dont be in denial. you'll very much regret it. sharon teeny flick movies are passe.
don't live in his place nor your place. get a another place... (you can either keep the place, be there a friend renting it or sharing it with you or think of other ways of maintaing it or give it up) ...and live together. that way, you're both in a balanced compromise and in a neutral environment. both of you can enjoy personal spaces because it's easy to respect chosen areas of the new place to be yours and/or his.
(continuation)
'checking up on the status of your relationship'
how do you know when all's well? when you're always going out? eating out? going places during common free days? watching movies together or dvds at home?
well, that's fun but... no... not really. no real significant progress can be weighed in those 'times spent together'.
ask yourself...
how much time do you spend talking about the two of you?
how much do you know him as a person? and vice versa.
does he remember what you were talking about the last time you two were alone? do you too?
in what ways does he express his affection? how often does he do it? if there's a change there, what are the causes? is he aware of it? does he worry himself with it?
do you know when either or both of you are pulling stunts instead of really expressing love for each other?
we really dont have to provide answers here for each of us to know how to weigh d situation. you already know it. these are just important questions we should always keep in mind... and oh, answer them... HONESTLY.
now, there may still be other important questions there... i just can't think of right now. d rest of us may add some more.
(continuation)
'the issue of respect'
respect is a very essential part of life. it has to exist ideally in all aspects of a person's life.
of course, it is too in relationships.
how do you know when you're just getting out of the way when d other is not in a good mood or is in a shitty situation... and ... when you're already crossing the boundaries of respect and integrity?
everyone is free as always to add more to the discussion)
when did u last sit down and reflect on d times when you compromised with something because of a situation involving him? and again vice versa.
it's not about counting the things you do for him versus the things he does for you. but we must realize the importance of maintaining a harmonious balance inside the relationship.
do you feel that you give so much while it's not evenly reciprocated? and that there's a discontent there that you're often pushing at d back of ur mind?
if you do, confront it.
don't keep on denying it.
the truth is... the more you do that, later on you develop that desire to throw back all these crap to him given that dreadful moment, or worse you already expect the collapse of the affair.
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