about a boy...

when i first got to chat with him, i was in awe.

saw his profile in PR and i thought he's either a poser or too bold to post his heavenly looks there. i mean he certainly looks like a high-fashion model. in his photos he also seemed very professional.

i never expected he'd go all the way to interact. after i left a footprint, he sent a private message saying he liked my hair... because i still got my old photos of my long hair there.

that's where it started. we exchanged numbers and began texting. then he started calling when i already began flirting in our texts.

apparently he got serious to the point where he's already saying he's falling for me. i didn't know where that came from.

instantly i saw warning signs flashing. i mean he's 22 and yes too young... but he's also the pretty boy... so more likely, i'd also assume that he was playing me.


after my break up with 'the ex' and started dating again after so long i lost some sensibilities responsible dating single men have and i admit to have hurt some people in the process... too absorbed in my own misery... and finally learned to play it right... again.

so with mixed feelings, i often watched out my interactions with the boy, avoiding leading conversations that he might misunderstand... and at the same time looking for signs if he's pulling off a game.


but it didn't help a bit.

he was almost hysterical when i didn't agree with him on having a relationship... imagine, all of our interactions were all entirely through texts because he claimed to have erased his PR account to prove to me that he's serious and loyal to me... and i tried my best to explain to him... in the most unoffensive ways i can... how absurd and immature it is to corner someone into having a relationship based on almost nothing at all.

yes, of course... with all the qualities he has... how on earth will i not feel flattered, yeah? i mean, it's like turning into a princess in a fairy tale to meet a guy who has all the stereotypical qualities any girl or beki could onyl dream of -looks, height, perfect form, humble, smart (hm... come to think of it, i'm thinking twice now), comes from a comfortable life, surfer boy, loves nature, romantic... and on top of it all... declaring his love for you.

but all that, again... it's for the young.


if i simply said yes to him and throw all caution to the wind... it's like yes... throwing away every single lesson i learned in love and relationship... and oh, include dating and all sexual politics along with those too.

i'd be damned. might as well stab myself and die.

so after lengthy explanations and trying my best to calm him down, for a while he did. but with just a single joke, every new agreement we made crumbled.

i compromised for his sake that i'll meet him here in manila upon his return from his long vacation in their new property in davao (that overlooks the sea) and go out on dates with him to see if we'd hit it off. i even offered to let him stay sometime in my apartment when i finally get a new one in diliman. we were pretty much okay with the setup.

but joked about his sudden grumpy shifts saying he's too bratty. and all hell broke lose.


we lost touch for a while... about a month or so... until i missent a text message one night when i was drunk recently. and he started texting again.

i thought he's okay now with becoming good friends and occasional flirtation but i found out that he's actually renewing a connection with someone he's dating two years ago. apparently, the guy's a celeb whose career is now soaring high.

never asked more about 'the guy' because even though i'm not 'showbiz' i still work in the same industry... and the possibility of running into 'this guy' is not too far off.


so, i understand now that his dilemma is on how to make it work should they push through with the affair.

it's a classic Piolo-ish situation.

yet davao boy would also tell me i should've given us a shot. we would have been the lovers now and he won't be having this trouble. i asked him what did our short thing have to do with what he and celeb guy have now. he said it's because he'd really made ours work if i weren't complicated. he said that he can't understand why he keeps falling for complicated guys.

i answered back with something i recall from an episode in sex and the city where samantha was telling his young model lover Jerry to go play with his friends and she'll play with hers. i explained to him that people really have to seriously consider the age gap or if not age... the difference in wavelengths... and that more likely than not... to pursue an affair with a very different person is like playing a losing game.

i told him that the reason i already lost all interest in romantic love is because it doesn't offer any reason to love or find out why things are going the way they do... there's no growth in romanticism. and i prefer rational love now. that no matter how deeply i'm attracted and even falling for someone... i'm no longer jumping in just yet. if it takes a casual sexual affair with no commitments first... then be it. if it even takes losing the guy in the process... i'd rather take it than to get trapped in years of misery and regret again.

of course, he got overwhelmed again. and even in my attempts to help him make a logical way of seeing his new affair i knew i only made him all the more confused.

he didn't reply to my last text message. i don't know if he's not going to keep in touch again.

i would've preferred that we stay good friends. he really seems like a good soul. only... he's still too young to understand the complexities his age are desperately wanting to get into but totally clueless of.

oh, well... not that i didn't go through the same phase. i was worse. but he could at least take his advantage of having someone (me) telling him things i never got when i was going through the same dilemmas.

oh boy, i hope you won't have to go through all the hell i had been through.